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Showing posts from June, 2021

Welcome, Baby A.

  On Baby A's birthday, the c-section surgery went as planned. I walked into the OR around 9:30am and was pushed out around 2 hours later. W was instructed to wait outside while the team was getting me prepared for anesthesia. He then got invited to come in and sat next to me while the team worked on getting Baby A out of me 😂. W was a good DJ and Baby A was born while Taylor Swift's Shake It Off was being played. So...did I feel any pain during this life-changing surgery? No, I didn't. I had a spinal block. I never felt any type of pain during the surgery. Getting the anesthesia injected - however - was the most uncomfortable part of the surgery. There was a lot of pressure. I felt my back being pulled or pushed, or something. It just felt very uncomfortable, not painful, but very uncomfortable. It was also hard to try leaning toward the source of that uncomfortableness. Learning to relax while being uncomfortable was a very hard thing to do. But it was necessary. Once it...
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[Iceland 2021] The prep work

We're going to Iceland! I booked the flights last week. We're leaving in late August and will be back in September. I also made a reservation for a campervan. Yes, that's right. A campervan! I spent the last week researching campervan companies and watched a gazillion reviews of the campervans and vlogs of road trips in Iceland on Youtube. Then I got into the nitty gritty and planned out our day-to-day itinerary. We will circle the entire island of Iceland, chase the waterfalls, see some puffins, and hike to a volcano.  W says he loves it when I make the planning. I love it when I research new places and making travel plans. This may just be the perfect thing for us to do. This trip isn't like any other international trip we've had, this trip symbolizes closure. I think I mentioned it on here before (or maybe was just on my social media), we were going to go see Iceland this summer before we found out about the pregnancy. Then, we got excited when we found out about...
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Adoption

Beibei, Lulu, and Duke sitting in W's old car together one last time. Took this picture on Saturday before we went out for a drive before we sold it this week. Last weekend, W and I had a discussion with his parents about adoption. The same discussion also took place about 2 weeks ago, with my parents. A few of our close friends have heard about us being interested in adoption years ago, though our own parents weren't aware of our plan until recently.  Well, technically, in 2015, as we were going through our wedding ceremony's planning, the topic of children came up and I told my parents I didn't want to have a baby through natural conception but we'd adopt someday. Apparently, they don't remember/thought I was joking. I don't blame them. I don't know why I didn't like the idea of giving birth but was okay with having children through adoption. Adoption was something I had discussed with W back in 2007 which was the first year we started dating. Betw...
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Post-surgery part 3

We had our post-surgery appointment this morning (June 3). It's been exactly 2 weeks since the operation. This visit was virtual so we sat in our pajamas in our living room with Duke. Dr. Lim asked how I was doing. I told her physically I was feeling better. Then she asked how I was, mentally. I told her I had nightmares and woke up crying several times last week. I told her I don't feel ok. She immediately offered to refer me to a social worker she knows who works with families who have gone through situations like ours. She thinks her counseling will benefit us. I said ok. Dr. Lim also told us because there wasn't enough tissue for testing, the lab said they couldn't complete chromosomal testing on T&T. We don't know why they stopped developing. We don't know why the miscarriage happened. We don't even know the gender. Dr. Lim offered genetic screening for two conditions. One is to test if I'm a carrier for cystic fibrosis. The other is to test for...
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Post-surgery part 2

We planted flowers in honor of T&T on May 24 It's been exactly 2 weeks since that day, since the day we truly lost them. I miss them every day. I wake up feeling lost almost every day. Some days feel better than others. Some days I wake up feeling plain sad and have trouble to just get out of bed. There were times I just wanted to stay in bed for hours until nightfall, but I couldn't. I needed to get up to feed our furry babies. I needed to get up and put up a bra and walk Duke. I needed to get up and get back to reality. As mentioned in one of the previous posts - I shared what happened on my social media. Sadly, as of this Monday, someone hacked into my Facebook and changed my password and email. As a result, I couldn't reset password and had no way to log in. Every time I try to reset the password, it asks for a code that can only be sent to an email I don't recognize. Heck, my Facebook looks as if it doesn't even exist. It looks like the hacker disabled my p...
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